I miss the Classmate more than I miss the Boyfriend.
I feel like crying. What I said in this post turned out to be so untrue. That I didn’t like him? I still do. And I want to be able to be close to him.
What is he to me???
What?
I don’t know either. I want him to love me. I know it’s so incredibly selfish when I am already with someone else but that’s what I feel. I still like him. I know it’s not right.
Sigh!
Last weekend, I told my boyfriend that we needed to talk. We were in bed, about to go to sleep when I asked him, “Is it normal for someone who loves someone to like someone else?”
“Yes. It’s perfectly normal,” he said and continued, “… so… who is it that you like?”
“He’s just one of my classmates..” I answered.
Then I started crying because of all the guilt I felt inside.
“Why are you crying?” he asked me.
“Because.. it’s not right.. I should not be having feelings for someone else when I already love you..”
“No. It’s alright. That’s why you see so many divorces these days.. because people don’t understand that these things happen.”
“Why aren’t you upset or mad at me?”
“Because.. I think it’s a good thing that you told me. It’s better than me finding out on my own, right? And if I had gotten mad at you.. the next time something like this happens, you will be less willing to tell me about it. Let’s just go to sleep.”
I honestly thought that he would get angry at me. I know that that’s something a normal boyfriend would do. Instead he says that it’s alright.. acts perfectly normal.. and is able to go to bed and sleep soundly.
Sigh. I don’t know what this all means. How can my boyfriend be perfectly alright??
The Classmate asked me just earlier today what he was to me.. I answered that I honestly didn’t know.. and that I know that that’s not the answer he wants to hear..
I don’t know what to do.
