A million and one things have happened since the last post. However, this is not an update. I just need to let off some steam. I’m currently feeling incredibly let down and upset by my friends. Sigh. Sometimes, I guess I don’t know if I actually have any.
There is only one person in the world whom I consider my best friend. We know each other so well… although we don’t keep up with news of each other.. but we know if one of us is bluffing or not.. we act alike.. we love the same things.. we finish each others sentences.. we think alike.. so much so that the same thoughts crosses both our minds at the same time.. that we even say the same things, word for word, at the same time.
But we are like guy best friends. In the sense that I don’t talk about my private matters… or my relationships.. or the troubles and problems that I face in my life. Sigh. I so wish that I could. But it’s just not me. And I know it’s not her either. We rather share our problems with those we are in relationships with.
I know though that there are guys who do share their problems with each other.. go to each other for advice and all.. but I somehow have the assumption that most do not do that.
I do care deeply for her. I get incredibly defensive. I would take on full grown men if any of them tries to hurt her.
But right now, I feel so let down by her. That what I do for her is never returned. It’s making me so depressed.. and I wonder if she thinks of me when she does the things she does. Whether or not that she cares about me as much as I do about her to want to do me good.
The thing is.. that when she’s away on holidays and such.. she asks me to take care of her pets.. and I do. And I do more than what is asked of me when she does. Although she says that it’s okay to not clean the litter box and such.. I do. Just because I care not only for her, but also for the lives of the animals entrusted into my care. I always do my best, eventhough I’m not used to caring for animals.
Thus, I have cleaned out litter boxes, swept the floors, washed the floors (cos sometimes the animals mess up).. etc etc.. Whatever I felt needed to be done.
Since then I’ve had pets myself. I had a little fighting fish. Some might say that its not a real pet. But it is alive and breathing. When I’ve been away myself.. I asked her if she would be so kind as to return the favor and take care of it for me. My initial plans for the holiday saw me being away for just three weeks.. thus, when she asked how many times should she clean the tank and all.. I only said twice. Meaning once a week.. since I could return during the third week and clean it myself.
But things happened and plans had to be changed and I ended up being away for three months. When I came back, I was shocked to see that the tank was incredibly dirty.. and that the water had evaporated that the tank was only half full… and the water was so filthy that my fish couldn’t even be seen. Only shadows of it could be seen as it swam close to the sides of the tank.
All my friend had to say was, “I don’t know why the water gets so dirty. I cleaned it two times like you told me to.”
I was like, oh god. I would’ve thought that she would have had the common sense to know better! She knew about the change of plans.. so she should have known that I only said twice as I told her I would be back in three weeks. Urgh!
Anyway, a month or two ago, I got cats. A friend, Adam, asked if I was willing to adopt some as there were some newborn kitten that were born just outside his house.. and in the area there is a male cat which loves to gobble up kittens. Which I thought was horrid. Thus I accepted. I couldn’t say no! I was already imagining the horror of them being eaten up. He couldn’t take care of them himself because he lives on campus where pets are strictly prohibited.
I am away on holiday now and I am imcredibly worried about my cats. Not only is one of them currently under medication.. I do not have a choice but to entrust the care of my cats to her again. I thought she would do a better job of it as she herself plays owner to a couple of them but I guess not.
Sigh! I’ve heard complaints that they are now very smelly and that the litter box remains uncleaned and unchanged. So much so that they are now pooping and peeing elsewhere because the litter box has become too full. I am so upset and very disappointed because I trusted her to take care of living things which I love and am fond of and she can’t even do it.
I am also worried about the welfare of my kittens. I want to return home as soon as possible to check up on them but I also have a controlling mother who would not let me go. Even if I gave her the excuse that I have cats to go back and take care of.. she wouldn’t let me as she never wanted me to have any in the first place. Not to mention that everytime she talks to me she speaks of ways of getting rid of them.
I just wish she could show that she cares enough about me as I do about her to want to do a good job. Guess not.
Said best friend is Natalie.
